polar plainsman

Canadian football is exactly the version of American football you’d expect to find in a country that’s half French. Yes, at it’s core the CFL is football, but that core is surrounded by layers upon layers of ridiculousness. The Canadians desperately want to eat their cake and have it too—to play American football, but to alter it enough so as to make their football a distinct sport. That’s why they play on a larger field, but use some of the same rules as Arena Football. It’s why they have only three downs. It’s why the game look the way it does.

Or, here’s another possible explanation. Perhaps some Canadian soccer players once made a wrong turn on their way to a game, and they found themselves in Buffalo, at a football stadium with fully stocked locker rooms. Before the game, one of the players suggested, “Why let all this Yank gear go to waster, eh?” And the CFL was born.

If it seems I’m CFL hating without provocation, keep in mind that some of their teams are kicking off the 2015 season on July 4th. How you feel about that?

Anyway, what can be done to fix Canadian football; to make it less Canadian, and more football? Easy—they just need more Auburn Tigers. An Auburn athlete is a Tiger at the South Pole or the North Pole. Wherever you put one on the field, you’re gonna be that much closer to the pure form of competition. You’d think Pat Dye having played a couple years in the CFL would have set them straight for good, but a lot has been undone since then.

Canada needs more Tigers. Let’s see which ones are suiting up north of the border in 2015.

Courtney Taylor

Taylor had a pretty good 2014 with the B.C. Lions before suffering a late-season injury. He didn’t play—or at least didn’t make any catches—in either of the Lions’ 2015 preseason games. But, according to the Canadian internet, he’ll play a key role in B.C’s offense this season, and he plans to take advantage of a new rule restricting how defensive backs engage receivers:

And, while we’re sharing tweets, this one is pretty cool.

Demond Washington

Demond Washington is back at it with the Bluebombers after a strong 2014. He was Winnipeg’s second-leading tackler, with 70, but he specializes in making highlight reels by doing this:

Darvin Adams

New to Winnipeg this season is Darvin Adams, who played some last year for Toronto. Adams made two catches in Winnipeg’s week C preseason loss to the Hamilton Ti-Cats, but he can have 20 catches in the Bluebombers week 01 win over Saskatchewan if Winnipeg would do just one thing—hire Chris Todd.

If you want to see Darvin Adams make catches all over the field, and Cam Newton isn’t available, you get Chris Todd. This seems like the kind of thing Canadians would understand. Maybe I haven’t figured them out after all.

Antonio Coleman

Coleman is starting his second season with Hamilton. He missed much of 2014 due to injury, but did register 11 tackles and three sacks.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, unfortunately, that’s it. It only takes one Auburn Tiger to change the world, but it’s gonna take more than four to change Canadian football. And they’re the same four who played last year, the only change being Darvin Adams’ move from Toronto to Winnipeg.

If you’re interested, there are different videos featured in last year’s post on Auburn Tigers playing Canadian football in 2014.

We’ll keep an eye on these Tigers, and at the end of the CFL season we’ll take a poll, letting the Auburn Family select the 2015 Polar Plainsman—that is, the award for the most outstanding CFL season by an Auburn Tiger. Yes, I said we were gonna do that last year, but I was so distraught by Courtney Taylor’s season-ending injury that I couldn’t go through with it.

War Eagle to Courtney Taylor, Demond Washington, Darvin Adams and Antonio Coleman. Let’s have at least one Tiger get a Grey Cup win in 2015!